Every time we took a turn, the automobile began to fart.
When we arrived at the charging station, which we had discovered via an internet search, it turned out to be nothing more than a closed gate.
We were sweating in the Florida heat and running the air conditioner on low to save what battery power we had left.
To say our first Tesla rental had a learning curve would be an understatement.
I now drive a gas-guzzling GMC Yukon Denali in Texas, but I hope to introduce an electric or hybrid vehicle to our family's driveway one day.
What better way to get a taste of the electric lifestyle than to hire a Tesla while on vacation?
Hertz now rents various Tesla models for the same price as a basic car.
So I wanted to see if someone like me, who has never even handled a Tesla, could hire one without too much trouble.
My kids quickly picked up on how to use the car's fart mode (which emitted a farting noise every time I hit the turn signal) and Caraoke.
On our Tesla-powered Florida road trips, however, more important tasks proved to be a little more difficult.
Here's what happened when I hired a Tesla without understanding much about them, as well as some pointers to avoid making the same mistakes I did.
I'm not sure how to turn it on.
When you're sitting in the rental car parking garage, asking Google how to turn the car on, you know you're in danger.
To be fair, the Hertz representative was more than willing to teach us the basics.
However, instead of genuinely absorbing what he said, I was largely nodding and attempting to absorb the information.
Even after that crash training, I had no idea how to start the automobile when he walked away.
It was similar to the experience of being handed your first child and wondering, "So, what do I do now?"
I'm not old enough to demand a real key, but there was no button, either, unlike in our home vehicles.
Instead, you place the key in the cup holder and press the brake pedal to start the automobile.
Isn't it obvious?
No.
That was, in fact, a recurring motif throughout the event.
I'm sure you'll get used to Tesla's idiosyncrasies fast, but learning how to drive a car for the first time is a similar experience.
Almost everything has a button.
While the Tesla did not have a push start, practically everything else was controlled by a button, dial, or selection on the computer screen.
Instead of grasping the handle, you press a button to open the door.
(Yes, you can use the handle to open the door, but the automobile doesn't like it and will tell you so.)
The computer screen also controls the air conditioner and the glove box.
So, unlike most other vehicles, don't expect to be able to modify things while cruising down the interstate.
It took me days to find out how to get cool air the first time I tried.
That is to say, we ultimately figured out where part of the screen to feverishly swipe at.
However, when it came to cooling things down or conserving battery life, we never truly understood the precise order of operations.
Charging isn't always free.
Tesla owners who have made it this far in the story are probably both ashamed and surprised that there are still people in the suburbs who don't understand the EV ecosystem.
However, here we are.
As a temporary Tesla driver, I'll admit that I was astonished to hear that charging isn't free.
In my mildest defence, supercharging used to be included with Tesla purchases, so the idea of it being free wasn't entirely made up.
However, even on Tesla's own network of Superchargers, charging is frequently expensive in the modern era.
We learned a few things when we stopped at Florida City to use the Supercharger next to Sonny's BBQ.
We had figured out that charging wasn't going to be free by this time, but we had no idea how to pay.
We plugged the car in, ate lunch inside, and hoped for the best.
Although we had no idea who was paying the "Tesla fairy" for this power boost, the fact that the computer screen's battery displayed green and looked like it was charging before we went away appeared hopeful.
While we were eating our brisket and sandwiches, the automobile was getting a charge of its own – albeit only up to 80%.
When we returned to the car, the charge had cost roughly $17, although $13 of that was due to our excessive time in the restaurant.
It charged more for leaving the car on the charger than it did for the charge itself (even though it stopped charging at 80%).
Given the nearby grill, I believed you were expected to go in and eat while the car charged, but evidently, if the car finished its meal before you do, you'll be charged.
On the plus side, we discovered that Hertz had already linked up the car with the Tesla Supercharger network, so the charging rate was included to our reservation without any additional convenience surcharges.
That explains how the car began charging without our intervention other than plugging it in.
If you go to a different network of chargers (which we didn't), you'll probably need to set up a separate app with its own payment mechanism.
Chargers are not available in all hotels.
Before composing this first-timer account, we really hired a Tesla twice.
This is primarily because I discovered the hard way on my first trip that not all hotels, even those that are spanking new, supply chargers.
On a trip to Walt Disney World, we had our first Tesla rental experience.
When we arrived at the new Star Wars-themed hotel, we discovered there were no chargers available.
There were a few dispersed across the Disney theme park parking lots, but none at the main hotel.
We didn't travel far enough on that trip to warrant a charge, so we passed in favour of the complete Star Wars experience.
One of our hotels in the Florida Keys had a charging station, which was a major game-changer for us.
If you're renting a Tesla, you'll need a charging plan; if your hotel offers chargers, that's even better.
If you haven't yet booked your hotel, the website PlugShare is a good place to start.
The overnight charging at the hotel was free in this case; all you had to do was dig the adaptor out of the trunk bag.
(Not to be confused with the "frunk," which is placed in the front of the vehicle.)
It can be difficult to locate a charger.
Whether it was the excessive use of the air conditioner or a heavy foot on the accelerator, watching the battery % decline as we drove was worrisome — especially since we didn't know where we could obtain our next charge.
According to our research, there were no Superchargers anywhere near our Florida Keys location.
When we used Google to look for another network of chargers in the region, the map sent us to a "Tesla Destination Charger" in a locked junkyard.
It's bad enough to see your phone battery draining without a charger nearby, but when your entire automobile, including your family, is involved, it's a whole new level of electrical anxiety.
Final thoughts
The Tesla we hired was a blast to drive when we weren't worried about finding a charging spot.
It also has a lot of "get up and go" energy.
(Just be aware that the automobile will begin braking as soon as you remove your foot off the pedal.)
In addition, we spent a total of $4 on charges on our three-night excursion from Miami to the Florida Keys, except the $13 in idle fees we picked up while completing our barbecue sandwiches.
Given current gas prices, that's a fantastic deal.
The savings, I'm sure, will grow as the road trip progresses.
Driving a Tesla rental without much preparation, on the other hand, had its difficulties.
Before getting behind the wheel, I recommend that you spend some time watching YouTube videos.
Otherwise, you can end up frantically Googling how to get the show on the road while sitting in a car that's playing music and far
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